goddammit, i told myself i wouldnt cry but i am anyways..
i love all of you guys and i thank you with all my heart. you are all so dear to me. <3
all day, i was crying. i cried so much, that i thought my tears would run out. but they kept pouring that i couldnt stop.
i didnt tell anyone. so no one knew.
i was driven all day today. what a horrible way to mourn.
i was stuck in the back seat of a car for a good 8 hours alone. but i guess i needed it.
as my ride was driving me around, every time they sped up or drove illegally... i wished i got into a car accident.
i wanted the car to drive into something so bad.
every time they sped up and drove crazily, i closed my eyes and wished with all my heart to get into a car crash.
and it was because for some reason i felt like the universe would switch us. switch who would live and who didnt.
this was the first time in my life that i wanted the universe to choose me instead of someone else.
and i didnt care.
because Jessie is a wonderful person, and i wish i knew her more.
i kept thinking of how much the world is unfair.
so many thoughts crossed my mind and all of them made me wonder so many things.
i havent spent one minute not thinking and mourning about her.
this feeling sucks so much..
but i believe she deserves it.
i didnt even personally follow her blog, and i knew nothing about her. but i still wanted her to take my life instead.
this should of never happened.. this is so unfair..
i wondered so many things.
i wonder if she is watching me right now mourning.
i wonder if she wanted others to cry.
i wonder if she wanted to be remembered as 2p france
i wonder what she would say if she saw us all like this..
..i wonder if she wants us all go attend her funeral...
... i know i would...
she died so young, and its all so.. is so unfair.
its unfair, unfair, unfair..!!
i became so depressed and angry at the world, i snapped at 2 people today. it was horrible.
im no good with deaths.. but this made me so heart broken and.. i couldnt function the whole day.. that must say something..
and i thought
"what if i died tomorrow?"
"how would anyone know?"
"what would anyone do?"
life is unpredictable.. i wish i could go back and find out more about Jessie, and get to know her..
... and i just wanted to say..
if i died young
got into an accident
or ended up in the hospital
i want someone to log into my account
and announce it so everyone can know
because i dont want to disappear
not like that
and at my funeral, i want to be laid in a bed of bright red roses
and be dressed casually
i want everyone to be invited
yes, that includes those who are on the other side of the country
i want my day of death to be the anniversary of a usuk wedding, because i can
and i want all my hetalia family members to wear hetalia. because i can.
everyone must wear red. dont forget that.
i want someone to convince my family for this to happen, and to pay for everyone's plane ride to come visit <3
i want to give away my hetalia stuff in my room to all my watchers. i dont care how, ship it to them or something.
i want to be buried back in my home land. or sent away in the ocean on the beach of where i was born.
i want all my doodles n' papers with drawings on them to be scanned and uploaded. so everyone can see what ive been up too.
i want to buried with my glasses on
and i want to there to be a chocolate fountain at my funeral. preferably 3, because chocolate fountains are good.
and.. i want everyone to wear a rose on their chest. where their heart is. even me. <3
ah. no one should think that they have to follow every single rule in the world. life is too short. live life to its fullest.
make people remember you. <3
everything you do is worth something. there is no one alive who isnt important. and everyone should just smile. because smiling makes other people happy and feel good. and everyone deserves to feel that way.
dont waste one second. do whatever makes you happy. enjoy life while it lasts, because who knows what will happen tomorrow.
i love you all so much. please dont forget that. <333
//edit; okay, re-read the 2p blogs and im sobbing my eyes out. my chest fucking hurts so much right now.
please, universe. if you can grant me just one wish, i want you to take me instead of her. thats all i ask. so please..
beek.. anyone.. if you are happening to read this i.. im so sorry... i know how much this must hurt but.. i wish i was there to help you and comfort you.. oh god, brooke, im so sorry...